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Living in the Light

March 26, 2012 22 Comments

This blog idea came to me during meditation this morning.  I suddenly felt compelled to share my journey to authenticity and peace of mind with the world.

A little history…

The past 6 months have been some of the most trying in my life.  I got pneumonia in October of 2011 and was hospitalized for 3 days and out of work for weeks.  During that time, I literally thought my life was about to come to an end.  The doctors said they had not seen such a severe case of pneumonia in someone my age in a long time.  I spent a lot of time thinking about how precious life is while in the hospital and prayed for another chance.  At the time, I just thought it was something I picked up from a public area and that it had nothing to do with my habits so I kept living my life the same way I was before – on overdrive.  I had just started a new job two weeks prior to getting pneumonia so I never took a true break to rest after getting out of the hospital (I was even on my BlackBerry in the hospital bed!) – I felt compelled to prove that I was the right hire for the job and wanted desperately to start making my mark.  I pushed myself way too hard not only at work, but at home with my husband and two boys (ages 3 and 1); constantly trying to be what I viewed as “perfect” in all areas of my life.  Perfect according to whose standards though?

What was it that drove me to desire job success and being “perfect” in the eyes of others over my own personal health and well being?  There are so many factors, through therapy and other self-help endeavors over the years, that came up for me when I thought about that.  Was it the fact that I was raised by two parents who pushed me to be the best I could be?  Was it the fact that I was the only black student in many of my classes throughout my elementary, middle, and high school years so I was constantly trying to prove myself?  Was it the insecurity and fear I experienced throughout most of my life that drove my need to be not only good, but great?  Was it that society tells me times are tough so I better hold on to my job?  I could go on and on with excuses that I have made in the past for why I am the way that I am, including why I had been obsessed with “looking good” in the eyes of others and why I didn’t have time to take a break.  The bottom line is, regardless of the reason I was pushing myself, it was imperative that I consciously make the decision to live my life differently or I was going to break down.  Unfortunately, it was too late.

In early January of 2012, I literally broke down.  Mentally and Physically.  I could not focus at work, I didn’t want to be bothered with my boys, my attitude was poor, I felt exhausted all the time no matter how much I rested, I was disorganized, I was having headaches (which I never used to get), my sex drive was low, I didn’t feel like being around people, I was indecisive about everything, I was incredibly emotional, I was having panic attacks, and my desire to appear to have it all together (despite all that I was feeling inside) was incredibly heightened.  I managed to get by and keep up appearances at work, but on January 18th I literally broke down.  I was about to go into my weekly team meeting with my staff and I just couldn’t do it – I felt faint and like my body was about to shut down.  That was the last day I went into the office to work (it is now March 26th).  The past couple months have been about the total restoration of my mind, body, and soul.  I am truly grateful for a boss who is supportive and has helped me transition to a role that I can do from home while I continue to heal.  I am also grateful for the additional consulting work that has come my way since making that transition.

This blog is really about my journey to finding and maintaining the incredible peace of mind I am currently experiencing.  I know the road to true “enlightenment” and “non-attachment” to the world’s view of happiness and success can be challenging, but I am willing to share my ups and downs publicly in hopes that it encourages even just one other person to join me in “living in the light.”

What do I mean when I say “living in the light?”  I mean living a totally non-judgmental, authentic, loving, peaceful, forgiving, healthy, life in service to others.   I mean keeping it real at all times – especially with myself.  I mean completely releasing negative thoughts that ultimately manifest themselves in physical disease in our bodies (like the pneumonia, depression, and anxiety that I have experienced over the past 6 months).  I mean giving the ego the boot.  I mean loving all people, unconditionally.  I mean completely surrendering to allow God’s love to shine through all the dark corners of ourselves.   That’s a radically different life than what’s promoted on TV, social media, etc., so we have to support each other in staying focused on the path.  The song that inspired the blog title is called “Live in the Light” and it’s by one of my favorite groups, Fertile Ground.  Check it out here.  Until next time, good people…

Keep shining!


About the Author:

I used to live life shackled by fear, doubt, and worry. I put on a happy face while navigating my day-to-day duties, but I was emotionally drained, stressed, and unhappy. When I hit rock bottom, and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I was determined to live life differently. I knew there had to be another way. Out of that determination, and guidance from Spirit, the "Living in the Light" blog was born. It documents my spiritual journey out of the darkness and into the Light. After nine months of publicly sharing my journey, and consciously releasing my attachment to the ego, I experienced a powerful spiritual awakening. I went from living in fear, doubt, worry, and stress to complete inner peace. My greatest passion has become assisting others on their own journey to inner peace. My spiritual memoir, From Stress to Peace: An Intimate Journal on the Journey from Living in Darkness to Living in the Light, is available now on Amazon and Click the tabs at the top of the page to learn more about the From Stress to Peace 21-Day Challenge, Living in the Light Retreats, 1:1 sessions, and the Living in the Light Community - all of which are designed to support your journey to inner peace. I appreciate you taking the time to visit the blog and look forward to supporting you in any way I can!