Straight, No Chaser…With Love

Me and Marianne Williamson, Author of “A Return to Love”/A Course in Miracles teacher

I had the pleasure of attending a seminar a couple weeks ago featuring one of my all-time favorite authors and spiritual teachers, Marianne Williamson.  The title of the seminar was “Transforming Ourselves, Transforming Our World”.  As always, she said SO many things that resonated with my desire to be more loving and peaceful in my daily life.  I won’t share all of those things in this blog, but I will be sprinkling many of my blogs with the “nuggets” I got from that seminar and my other spiritual development work over the last couple months.  There is one thing she said that day that has been replaying in my mind on a daily basis since the seminar:

“Honesty without compassion is brutality.” ~ Marianne Williamson

I really needed to hear that.  Some people have absolutely no problem telling the “whole truth and nothing but the truth” at all times, but delivery is everything.  I have always had a hard time with people who bloat about “keeping it real”, but the way that they tell their truth is totally non-loving and judgemental.  The word “brutality” really stuck with me because I have really felt that…it makes my heart ache when I hear people talk that way to others and especially to me (yes, I am sensitive).  My distaste for the way people do that has led me to the other extreme – holding my tongue in situations that could have used a loving, kind word of truth from me.  I was always afraid of coming off as rude (or “brutal”) even though that was not my intention.  This was something that had been daily struggle for me.  I realized that because I held in my thoughts for so long about particular things I was unhappy with, it would cause me to get to a point where I would “blow up” inside of myself.  The built up frustration also made me feel like there was no compassionate way to share what I thought (because I was boiling hot by that point) so I decided I better not say anything at all.  Bad idea.

Since catching this truth about my old self, I have tried to be lovingly honest as situations arise throughout my day (particularly with myself).  This morning, for example, we woke up and got ready much later than normal.  Since I’ve been working from home, I normally drop off my husband and the boys and then come back home and start my day.  Well, I hadn’t meditated and I had a 2-hour morning meeting that I needed to prep for.  The old me might have told myself to “work it out” or lied and said “I’ll meditate later” (knowing I wouldn’t) and then had an attitude with my husband and boys about being late, dropped them off, and rushed into my meeting with no preparation.  Instead, I paused for a moment and was lovingly honest with myself and thought “you really need to meditate and pray before this meeting and busy day…you don’t have to just suck it up and do everything…you are not superwoman”.  I then asked my husband if he would mind dropping off and picking up the boys today because I had a busy day and really needed to meditate before getting started.  He was super supportive and added “always let me know what would be helpful to you”.  I love that man :-).

Another area where I had not always compassionately honest with myself and others is about how much I can take on and/or the timeframe in which I can complete things.  I would say “yes” to a new project or meeting a certain deadline knowing full well that it would mean staying up late, getting up early and working through lunch in order to make it happen.  Now, I just pause and think to myself “what’s a reasonable timeframe for me to complete this?” and respond to whoever is requesting something of me with what I can complete and by when.  And, sometimes, I have to say “no”.

There are a few relationships (friends, family, co-workers) in which I knew I had not been fully open about what I think because I don’t want to come off as critical or judgemental and I definitely don’t want to make anyone feel bad.  But, I am now empowered to share my thoughts with compassion and love.  Slowly, but surely, I have been speaking my truth and it has produced miraculous results and even closer bonds in a short period of time.  I look forward to the conversations to come.

Where are you not being honest with others or yourself?  Or, where are you being brutally honest and creating a wall in relationships?  Something to chew on until next time…gotta get back to work!

Keep shining!

~Kandace

P.S. Here’s one of my favorite jazz songs that inspired the blog title, “Straight, No Chaser” (Miles Davis & John Coltrane).  Enjoy!

About the Author: Kandace Jones

I used to live life shackled by fear, doubt, and worry. I put on a happy face while navigating my day-to-day duties, but I was emotionally drained, stressed, and unhappy. When I hit rock bottom, and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I was determined to live life differently. I knew there had to be another way. Out of that determination, and guidance from Spirit, the "Living in the Light" blog was born. It documents my spiritual journey out of the darkness and into the Light. After nine months of publicly sharing my journey, and consciously releasing my attachment to the ego, I experienced a powerful spiritual awakening. I went from living in fear, doubt, worry, and stress to complete inner peace. My greatest passion has become assisting others on their own journey to inner peace. My spiritual memoir, From Stress to Peace: An Intimate Journal on the Journey from Living in Darkness to Living in the Light, is available now on Amazon and BN.com. Click the tabs at the top of the page to learn more about the From Stress to Peace 21-Day Challenge, Living in the Light Retreats, 1:1 sessions, and the Living in the Light Community - all of which are designed to support your journey to inner peace. I appreciate you taking the time to visit the blog and look forward to supporting you in any way I can!